The Hard Times

Tonight is hard for me.

My car broke down exactly one week ago, and after days of trying different parts with the mechanic and being patient, I’ve been told it’s better to just scrap it.

My new horse arrived at a brand new boarding barn five days ago. I’ve seen him precisely twice since then, and that’s including the day he arrived. My filly is set to join him in roughly two weeks, as I have barely seen her this last year because she’s been boarded so far away. I was so excited to have them closer, to get back to training and working my horses every day, to hang out with them and enjoy their company as I once had. But my car broke down, so I had to wait. I told myself it would be fixed soon. This frustration only temporary.

But sometimes I think the universe likes to mock me when I’m down, so my new horse, Lincoln, has had a difficult time settling in. The new herd has been hard on him and I’ve had to hear tales from my barn manager about doctoring his wounds while I sit at home twiddling my thumbs, and worrying.

I tell myself that these feelings of hopelessness are temporary, that soon I will forget these days and they won’t even matter. I say I’m just being irrational, and it will pass in time. Let me sleep it off. It’s just a car, just a few days. This time next week I’ll be in horse-girl heaven again grooming my horses spotless and doing groundwork like my life depends on it.

But this evening I got another painful text from my barn manager, that Lincoln fell in the pasture and skinned his leg. And I am, once again, not there.

Tomorrow, come Hell or high water, I am buying a new (to me) car and I am going to the barn. As long as it gets me from point A to point B safely and consistently, little else matters to me at this moment. I might be rushing in to things a bit, but I cannot stand to go one more day of having a new horse not even know who I am.

I love my horses more than I care to admit. They are as close to having children as I ever intend to get. Their pains make my heart ache, and having my hands tied by something as trivial as a car that refuses to start without a seriously expensive overhaul drives me mad. So despite a new vehicle also being an expensive “fix” to my problem, I’m going to scrape together my money and do it.

My horses are worth it.

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